This is a very sensitive post for me, but one I have been meaning to talk about for a very long time and I am going to write from my heart. In the photos below you will see images of my 2 year old daughter who has been battling severe Atopic Dermatitis. I posted a long time ago about how when she turned 1 year old we found out she was allergic to peanuts. One year later, after our son was born last July, she began breaking out and itching and was diagnosed with eczema. From July-November it had gotten worse and we discovered she was allergic to milk, wheat, dogs, cats and her peanut numbers went up 16 points. So, we pull those foods from her diet, give the cat to family, and make sure our dogs stay outside and away from her. You'd think she'd be better?? Nope, she got worse and heartbreaking worse. I would really like to go into specifics of all the issues we've had with Doctors and alternative treatments, but I wont. These pictures of my daughter are only a piece of the emotional roller coaster and trauma that our family has experienced. Imagine having hundreds of mosquito bites all over your body. You would be irritable, you probably wouldn't feel like eating and how would you get comfortable enough to relax and sleep? These are just a few examples of what my daughter has experienced. Weight loss, lack of sleep, irritability, and those all equal lack of energy. Oh, I forgot to mention how she would scratch herself so bad that she would bleed and scream because she didn't know how to control her feelings and hurting. I would go through a tub of Eucerin in about 3 days caking her with cream to keep her skin hydrated. That alone made her crazy and would you feel like running around and playing when you were coated with cream so bad you were white? I was told to wash her hair with Cetaphil body wash. She looked malnourished, unclean and I was honestly ashamed to take her anywhere in public except preschool. The times that I did people stared at her, especially her hands and I felt like they were judging me. I would like to say that I could care less, but I did. My daughter is beautiful and very well taken care of and how dare someone look at her wrong or judge me as a mother? She was sick and I couldn't find anyone to help her and give me an ACTUAL diagnosis of what was happening to her. My heart was breaking, our family life was sinking and my world was caving in around me. Am I supposed to answer emails & return phone calls in a timely fashion when I can barely keep myself afloat? Yes, I was supposed to though. Watching my daughter's quality of life go downhill at the age of 2 was deeply painful and stressful for me. I was trying to do all I could to help her, but we still couldn't get her cleared up. She could barely finish a sentence with out itching 5 places on her body in agony. Was there something horribly wrong with her? That paranoia set in and I think I went into robot mode asking everyone and anyone to help me find answers. FINALLY I was introduced to another mother through our preschool and she was our saving grace. Last week we took her to Seattle to see a specialist and we were given a diagnosis that was completely out of left field and very treatable. She has not finished her first set of antibiotics so we are keeping our fingers crossed and are very, very hopeful that she will remain clear. That is child #1.
Our son was born in July and he is the finishing touch on our family. I was in love from day one. Bringing home a baby to a house with a 2 year old & a FT job at home was very challenging and a huge change in dynamic. I struggled to get our son to nap when our daughter was running around being loud - being 2 (before she started to break out). One day I laid him down for a nap on our bed instead of his crib in his room so he could be further away from the noise. Boy did he nap, and I had nothing to worry about, he was barely 5 weeks old and he would be fine on the bed. Wrong. Very, very, wrong. I dont know WHY I was so lucky but by the grace of god I checked on him awhile later and saw my worst nightmare, an image that still haunts me to this day, my son rolled over, face down on the bed. When I rolled him over he was blue, pale and barely breathing. My husband called 911 as I gave CPR to my newborn son. - OK, I just finished balling my eyes out and I'm ready to finish the story - My dear friend Kelly, a NICU nurse, arrived before the ambulance to assist me. The rest of the story is horrible so I wont go into detail about the admittance to the hospital for 4 days, way too many tests, a breakdown of guilt BUT the great news that he was perfectly fine and it was what it was, an accident. I obviously did not mean to harm my child but the guilt of what I did will never go away. I think that is why sometimes I remember and feel devastated.
Again, I wasn't going to post about these issues because I felt like they were very private and nobody's business but ours. Time has passed and I need to talk about them and get them out in the open because not doing so makes me feel guilty. I want to let people know that I am human and I have a home business run around the people who mean the most to me. Over the past 7 months I have not been myself, whether I am the new Tera or not, I dont know yet and time will tell. But I have definitely struggled with everything on my plate and that includes all aspects of the photography business. I am very lucky to do what I do and I love it. Through all of this, meeting with clients and getting out there to shoots was an outlet. As much as I love my family I am absorbed with them 24-7 and photography is always something that makes me happy. I'm not going to proof read this post because I will probably chicken out and delete it. =) So excuse any bad grammar and mis-spellings but...who cares about all that anyway. Life is too short, live it.
*The best thing to hold onto in life is each other*
